The next step I felt was to consult my mom. I am lucky to have an amazing mom who has raised 4 of her own then took one one 'extra' in the end. So I have 3 sisters and a brother! So I gathered up my brood and we headed out to visit.
Her house is generally pretty crazy with all the little ones she babysits for and when you toss my three in the mix it turns to pure chaos! Finally though I found a moment to tell her what I'd been thinking about and waited for her reaction. I was delightfully surprised to hear her say it was something she expected I might do one day! So my mom knows me well! I continued to get the same positive reactions from my sisters, a couple cousins, and the few friends I chose to share with. It still felt like a somewhat private thing and it was at such an early point I didn't want to share with everyone yet what I was exploring.
Once I felt the support of those closest to me I started looking into some of the agencies in our area. The closest I could find was in Maryland, still not that far from home. I inquired with a couple places and at first it didn't seem like anything was happening, the Meryl called me :)
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
GS, TS, IP, IVF, ART, ED and other capital letters.
So I spent a couple nights searching for information about surrogacy. It's come a long way from some of the traditional surrogacy stories seen in made for TV movies. Nowadays it's a technological, legal web that leaves virtually no loopholes or stones unturned. There are still some women that go the route of traditional surrogacy, using their own eggs and artificial insemination but what I was curious about was gestational surrogacy, or becoming a gestational carrier. That meant having an embryo that was completely unrelated to me, an embryo created by IVF, transferred to me to carry and birth.
Now there are quite a few restrictions right off the bat, you have to be in a certain age range, must be at a healthy weight, non-smoker, mentally stable, financially ok, and done having your own children.
Close enough! I want to do this!
So the next thing I have to do is present this idea to hubby, C. I was prepared for him to say no and that being the end of my great idea. Both partners must be 100% on board because this is a huge life impact.
His reaction was surprising, he said its my body andy choice, he would support and help however I needed. Yippee! I then explained I would need his help for sure when it came time for daily hormone shots. I knew I couldn't do that part myself. Thank goodness I married a nurse :)
So, about those capital letters-
GS gestational surrogate
GC gestational carrier (same thing)
IP intended parents
IM intended mother
IF intended father
TS traditional surrogate
ED egg donor
ART assisted reproductive technology
IVF in vitro fertilization
ET embryo transfer
There's many more too!
Now there are quite a few restrictions right off the bat, you have to be in a certain age range, must be at a healthy weight, non-smoker, mentally stable, financially ok, and done having your own children.
Close enough! I want to do this!
So the next thing I have to do is present this idea to hubby, C. I was prepared for him to say no and that being the end of my great idea. Both partners must be 100% on board because this is a huge life impact.
His reaction was surprising, he said its my body andy choice, he would support and help however I needed. Yippee! I then explained I would need his help for sure when it came time for daily hormone shots. I knew I couldn't do that part myself. Thank goodness I married a nurse :)
So, about those capital letters-
GS gestational surrogate
GC gestational carrier (same thing)
IP intended parents
IM intended mother
IF intended father
TS traditional surrogate
ED egg donor
ART assisted reproductive technology
IVF in vitro fertilization
ET embryo transfer
There's many more too!
Monday, November 19, 2012
And Then I Had An Idea
Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and had an idea that you just couldn't get out of your head? Yeah, me too, in fact last January I woke up with this amazing idea and it's taken many months to come together but finally things are happening!
But I guess to understand this idea you have to start way back with my sister, H. I remember when my mom told us there was going to be a new baby. She even took us with her for her first doctor's visit. C and I had to play out in the hallway at Pratt Medical Center because children weren't 'allowed' in the waiting room? (I think mom made up that part about the allowed thing.) Anyways we did get to go with her to the lab and as I watched them draw blood from her arm I decided then I was NEVER going to have a baby because that meant getting stuck with a needle. I was only 8 ok? Well fast forward 9 months to a baby sister that changed my mind. Once I got my hands on that baby I KNEW what I was meant to do, be a mom, I'd figure out the needle problem later.
So years go by and my facination with pregnancy, birth and babies grew and grew. As a teenager I read a book by Joyce Maynard called Domestic Affairs. She chronicled life as a mom, wrote about her pregnancies, and births and planted seeds in me of what my own desires have grown to be. I watched (with jealousy) as cousins and friends got married & had babies and finally at 29 was going to have my own baby! I went into my pregnancy determined to do everything right, have a beautiful natural birth, and be the perfect mom. I did great until at 41 weeks someone said, 'aren't you tired, lets just induce' and not really knowing better I went along with the plan. The Plan snowballed into the most complicated and painful birth ever which of course eventually meant a C-Section. Grrrr.
Oh, and being the perfect mom? Not possible. Parenting is &^%#$&* HARD! sorry.
We lived through it though, had a super sweet baby boy (F1) who turned our world upside down. Then two years later we found out he was getting a sister :) This time I was far better educated and started out with the besy midwife on the planet, Nancy. She guided us through the pregnancy, kept us healthy and combined with a great OB we had a succesful VBAC in the hospital. So now I have my baby girl (M2) and by all means should feel like our family is complete. Of Course not! That birth was hard but it was sooo great too! And I love babies! I really want just one more... So along came C3. Three years later, of course we've moved pretty far away from Nancy the amazing midwife and there is absolutly noone else I trust. So we came up with a plan, I got great prenatal care from Nancy, driving an hour+ for each appointment and since she was too far away from to come for the homebirth I wanted we just checked into the Marriot in Richmond and had a 'home away from home' birth. It was lovely, and almost painless. I remember a mere 3 contractions that hurt. Once I laid eyes on that beautiful smiling boy my heart was full, I knew I had all MY babies.
Parenting got easier in many ways, I felt relaxed, everything about our lives was falling into place. We even started a finacial planning class (Dave Ramsey), our bills were getting paid, we were ready to buy a house. One of the things we learned in the class was about really pushing to pay off debts. He talked about taking on whatever job you could to earn $. Deliver pizzas if you have to! So I started laying awake nights thinking about how I could earn $. What could I do with three kids, a husband with an irregular schedule himself, soemthing that wouldn't requre childcare (which would potentialy use up anything I could earn). I'd love to bake cakes but that proved difficult with kids underfoot, I'd love towork nights in a bakery making bread but it didn't seem feasible with C's schedule at the hospital. dave ramsey kept repeating in my head, "deliver pizza, deliver pizza, deliver, deliver, deliver...'
That's when I had an idea. In the middle of the night in January. And since I sleep with my iPhone under my pillow I sat up and googled 'Surrogacy'.
But I guess to understand this idea you have to start way back with my sister, H. I remember when my mom told us there was going to be a new baby. She even took us with her for her first doctor's visit. C and I had to play out in the hallway at Pratt Medical Center because children weren't 'allowed' in the waiting room? (I think mom made up that part about the allowed thing.) Anyways we did get to go with her to the lab and as I watched them draw blood from her arm I decided then I was NEVER going to have a baby because that meant getting stuck with a needle. I was only 8 ok? Well fast forward 9 months to a baby sister that changed my mind. Once I got my hands on that baby I KNEW what I was meant to do, be a mom, I'd figure out the needle problem later.
So years go by and my facination with pregnancy, birth and babies grew and grew. As a teenager I read a book by Joyce Maynard called Domestic Affairs. She chronicled life as a mom, wrote about her pregnancies, and births and planted seeds in me of what my own desires have grown to be. I watched (with jealousy) as cousins and friends got married & had babies and finally at 29 was going to have my own baby! I went into my pregnancy determined to do everything right, have a beautiful natural birth, and be the perfect mom. I did great until at 41 weeks someone said, 'aren't you tired, lets just induce' and not really knowing better I went along with the plan. The Plan snowballed into the most complicated and painful birth ever which of course eventually meant a C-Section. Grrrr.
Oh, and being the perfect mom? Not possible. Parenting is &^%#$&* HARD! sorry.
We lived through it though, had a super sweet baby boy (F1) who turned our world upside down. Then two years later we found out he was getting a sister :) This time I was far better educated and started out with the besy midwife on the planet, Nancy. She guided us through the pregnancy, kept us healthy and combined with a great OB we had a succesful VBAC in the hospital. So now I have my baby girl (M2) and by all means should feel like our family is complete. Of Course not! That birth was hard but it was sooo great too! And I love babies! I really want just one more... So along came C3. Three years later, of course we've moved pretty far away from Nancy the amazing midwife and there is absolutly noone else I trust. So we came up with a plan, I got great prenatal care from Nancy, driving an hour+ for each appointment and since she was too far away from to come for the homebirth I wanted we just checked into the Marriot in Richmond and had a 'home away from home' birth. It was lovely, and almost painless. I remember a mere 3 contractions that hurt. Once I laid eyes on that beautiful smiling boy my heart was full, I knew I had all MY babies.
Parenting got easier in many ways, I felt relaxed, everything about our lives was falling into place. We even started a finacial planning class (Dave Ramsey), our bills were getting paid, we were ready to buy a house. One of the things we learned in the class was about really pushing to pay off debts. He talked about taking on whatever job you could to earn $. Deliver pizzas if you have to! So I started laying awake nights thinking about how I could earn $. What could I do with three kids, a husband with an irregular schedule himself, soemthing that wouldn't requre childcare (which would potentialy use up anything I could earn). I'd love to bake cakes but that proved difficult with kids underfoot, I'd love towork nights in a bakery making bread but it didn't seem feasible with C's schedule at the hospital. dave ramsey kept repeating in my head, "deliver pizza, deliver pizza, deliver, deliver, deliver...'
That's when I had an idea. In the middle of the night in January. And since I sleep with my iPhone under my pillow I sat up and googled 'Surrogacy'.
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